Breakup Bro’s End of the Relationship Checklist
You just got out of a relationship. Sucks, man. It’s a punch to the gut regardless of who instigated the change. It’s a critical juncture now how you approach healing and life after your ex. Here’s a checklist of 15 actions that will help you along the path.
1. Anti-Social Network – When you’re fresh off of a break up, there’s nothing worse than a constant reminder of what your ex is doing and how much fun she is having. You don’t have to unfriend her on Facebook, but at least unfollow so she stays the hell out of your news feed. You’ll be tempted to peak into what’s going on in her life, but don’t. At least for a while, you need total separation.
2. Bachelor up the Pad – This one can be tough, particularly if you’ve been living together. Even if you maintained separate domiciles, odds are that there’s still going to be a ton of items and places around your pad that remind you of her. Remove all relics of the relationship and get some fun new stuff in there. Constant reminders of your past are not a good thing. You need a clean break, so think back to some things that you always wanted to have around the house that she may have nixed, go out and treat yourself to freshen up the surroundings.
3. Be Kind to Yourself – It’s easy to blame yourself for everything that went wrong, but the truth is, it’s a two way street. Avoid thoughts of self-blame, keep your inner dialog positive and remind yourself of how awesome you truly are. Think of the way that you would give advice to a friend. You wouldn’t say, “It’s all your fault. You suck. I can’t believe you let this happen” to your boy, would you? Be your own best bro and treat yourself the way you would a close friend or family member.
4. Avoid Comparisons to Others – It’s easy to look around at friends and family with healthy relationships, thinking how far you are from attaining that type of companionship. Well, the grass is greener and you need to stay on your side of the pasture. Being single has a lot of great elements. You have nothing holding you back and can approach your life however you want. All your married friends can’t say the same for that so avoid focusing on what you don’t have and zero in on being the best version of yourself.
5. Ease off the booze – Your bros will try to convince you to go out every night looking, slamming shots, pounding pitchers, and escaping to a booze fueled haze to drown your memories of your ex. I’m all about going out and having fun to meet new people, but if you find yourself drinking out of sadness and depression, you’re on the wrong path. Take a few weeks off to process and feel your emotions properly without alcohol, then you can bring it back into the mix to have some fun.
6. Start a journal – I can’t impress upon you enough what a great practice this is. As you embark on your journey to rediscover your own unique awesomeness, it helps immensely to catalog your thoughts and feelings along the way. You will learn so much more in the process if you take the time to verbalize your feelings into words. It’s also incredibly therapeutic for times where you have a lot of sadness and anxiety.
7. Find New Activities – Take the opportunity to go out and learn something new. Maybe you’ve always wanted to paddleboard or learn how to speak Spanish. Taking on a new skill will challenge you in ways outside of your comfort zone, encouraging you to grow, and will also be a fun new way to meet like minded people.
8. Practice Gratitude – It’s easy to focus on the negatives after a breakup and all that you’ve lost. Flip that toxic mindset on its head and think about all the amazing things in the world you have to be grateful for. The amazing beauty of the outdoors, the two legs that can carry you anywhere in the world, the love and compassion of your family. Odds are you have a lot of amazing things to be thankful for. Each morning when you wake up, instead of checking your Facebook feed, write down three things that you’re truly grateful to have in your life. It’s an amazing way to rewire your brain for positivity.
9. Get Huge - My moto after every breakup is to get back into the gym and transform your body. You don't necessarily have to get huge, but find something active like a gym, crossfit, yoga, or just go to the park and belt out a ton of push ups, air squats, and pull ups. Exercise does amazing things for your energy levels, positive mindset, and confidence. If you happen to bump into your ex and you’re filling out that polo like a new man, you’re going to feel pretty good about it.
10. The Limber Mind – The practice of daily mindfulness and meditation will empower you with a sense of calm confidence. As you go through your day, take the time to notice and pay attention to everything. Especially the little things. The birds chirping, the sound of the water trickling down the creek, the way your feet feel when walking through the grass. Build in a minimum of 5 minutes a day to meditate and realign your mind. The more you are connected in the moment with your body, mind, and surroundings, you will appreciate life in so many new ways.
11. Be With Positive, Happy People - It’s time to take stock of the other relationships in your life. You’ve likely neglected some very dear friends and family by spending too many hours with your ex. Write down a list of your closest companions and take note of which ones you truly enjoy being around and how they make you a better person. Spend time with the ones that have a lot of bullet points in that section. For the ones that have a more negative and toxic effect on you, don’t make the effort to dedicate a lot of time to them.
12. Eat Clean – Clean body, clean mind. Dousing your gut with McDonalds, Taco bell, and Godiva may sound like a great idea when the sadness kicks in, but avoid the urge. Keep your body full of proper nutrition from whole foods and you will be feeling amazingly better. Start each day with a smoothie packed with leafy greens and a little bit of fruit. It will start you on the right track each morning for a day filled with proper nutrition.
13. Wardrobe Session – After you’ve been hitting the gym for a while, it’s time to reexamine the wardrobe. Take an inventory of all the clothes you have that make you look like a slob and send those along to Salvation Army. Then take a field trip to the mall and test out some stores to see which lines give you the best, natural fit and pick up some new threads. You’ll feel more confident and like a new you with a fresh wardrobe that makes you look sharp.
14. Take a Solo Trip – Getting away from it all is a great way to attain a perspective on this new phase of your life. I highly recommend getting the F out of town, by yourself, in a foreign land that thrusts you outside of your comfort zone. I did a two week trek through Thailand that blew my mind, introduced me to amazing new people, and challenged me in positive ways every day. Pick a bucket list destination you’ve always wanted to experience and book the flight immediately.
15. Lessons learned for the next one - Once you’ve had a few months to move forward and progress in life as an awesome single bro, do a post-mortem of your relationship. Now, you have a more objective mindset and can see it for what it was. Respect the positives of your relationship and learn from the negatives. Use this analysis to build a proper list of what you want to find in your true soulmate.
I truly hope this is a helpful kickstart as you embark upon this exciting new journey to rediscover yourself. If you’re interested in the full program from Breakup Bro, check this out. For a full list of gear and educational resources that the Bro personally recommends, click here.
If there’s anything else I can do to help out, drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org