Getting over your ex is tough. You lack confidence and may initially look to a woman to fill the void created by your insecurity. Ultimately these “rebounds” never end up working out and one or both of you gets hurt.
I recommend a minimum 6-12 months before seeking out your soulmate. When you’ve reached a level of inner peace and confidence emanating from an unconditional self-love, you’re now ready to delve into a deep relationship where you can enrich yourself and your partner in ways never before imagined.
Sounds amazing, right? Well, it’s easier said than done. The challenge lies in finding that perfect complement to your life. The key is to develop an ironclad list of what you need in a mate and stick to it religiously. Each time you meet a girl, keep this filter in mind and don’t invest time in something that you know won’t be right in the long run. “Settle” is not a word that should be in your vocabulary right now.
Each bro may have his own priorities on what matters most, but what’s important is that you think through every aspect and write down what your perfect match is like. Here are some filters to consider…
· Relationship background – Divorced, single, widowed
· Age – Spring chicken or crouching cougar
· Family goals – Do they want kids? This can be a tough one to get past if you’re not on the same page
· Glass half full or half empty – General optimism or edgy and sarcastic
· Energy level – Calm tranquility of a Zen garden or the constant drum beat of the energizer bunny
· Ambition – Taking over the world or cool spending the day chilling in a hammock
· Hilarity – Laughs non stop or approaches everything with grave seriousness
· Gets along with others – Empathetic life of the party or lone wolf that has few friends
· Depth – Waxes philosophical or picks up the latest US weekly at the grocery
· Life approach – Lives in the moment or constantly ponders the past or future
· Looks – (Last, but not necessarily least) Hair color, skin color, height, ass, boobs. Supermodel or girl next door look?
Here’s the filter I created for myself after my divorce in no particular order of priority. Sweet, calm and centered, positive, laughs a lot, No ADD, deep, artistic, wants kids, non judgmental, empathetic, spontaneous, finds beauty in the little things. For me to truly connect with a woman, no matter how they look, most of these attributes need to be checked off the list.
You also need to consider you absolute deal breakers. Hates children, doesn’t like animals, mean to strangers, dislikes your family. Know what your deal breakers are and never violate them. Being aware of these red flags is key knowing when to stop pursuing something that will never work out.
Another red flag that I found about the hard way is the length of time since their last relationship. If they’re coming off of a lengthy relationship with another dude and particularly if it was a bad breakup, they too need time to heal and rediscover themselves before they can give their love to you fully and completely.
But don’t settle…ever. Hold out until you find your perfect match. I’m not saying you should shun anyone that doesn’t meet your criteria and walk the other way. Meet as many people as you can. The more different types of people you meet, the easier it will be to refine your list as you grow.
But as far as ultimately looking to settle down for the long term, it’s far better to fly solo for a while than invest too much time in a potentially toxic relationship. Trust me, the right one(s) is(are) out there(not saying there's only one soulmate for each person, there can be many). Just keep meeting new people, stay true to yourself, put good karma out there, and good things will happen.