Digital dating for the modern dude – Breakup Bro’s Online Dating Toolbox

Online dating toolbox

Online dating toolbox

Online dating.  A phrase that for a long time carried with it negative connotations of people who can’t make it in the real dating scene, so they hide behind the veil of the internet in their quest to meet that perfect someone.  The sites were pegged as dangerous, a waste of time, and something that only unattractive people utilize.  Erroneous.  Erroneous on all accounts.

Digital dating has broken through these stereotypes with the rapid emergence of the App dating phenomenon.  It’s now completely mainstream.  When any of my friends breakup, they immediately hop onto these apps, plug in a quick profile and start swiping away.

There are pros and cons, but it’s a surefire way to increase the amount of girls you meet up with.  When you’re ready to start dating again, it’s all about repping through as many coffee and cocktail dates as possible and applying your filter

Digital dating allows you to get a higher volume of candidates and cover a lot more ground in a shorter amount of time.  Meeting chicks online is a concept that’s here to stay.  So, let’s embrace is and break down which services are worth your time.


Arguably the most controversial dating service, Tinder has been capturing headlines for the last few years with the media portraying it as nothing more than a platform for quick, meaningless hookups.

I’m sure a lot of people use it for a quick bang, but it’s really what you make of it.  The beauty of the app is in its simplicity.  You set up a profile very quickly selecting a few pics from your Facebook page and adding in a brief description where you vulnerably attempt to portray your awesomeness to available members of the opposite sex in 3 or 4 sentences. 

Then you’re off to the races.  Set your age and location filters and you’ll be presented with a bevy of babes.  If you like what you see, swipe to the right, if not then swipe to the left.  If she swipes right too, then “it’s a match” and you are entered into a private chat room where you can lay down some digital game.


  • Easy to get up and running
  • Free(premium version available for unlimited swipes and international access)
  • Probably the most widely used platform – If she’s single, she’s likely on it or will be soon


  • Because it’s so popular, there’s a lot of spam in the form of fake matches that are either whores or advertisements
  • It’s basically instant judgment based on looks.  I somewhat fear for society what the ramifications will be from a psychological perspective in years to come


Hinge is a bit of a Tinder clone.  It employs the same strategy of mutual selection and private chatting, but the one differentiating factor is that it’s only connecting you with “friends of friends” as determined by Facebook’s algorithms.

I love this concept in theory.  Most of the successful dates I’ve had in the past have been with girls that were friends of friends.  So, if an app is able to replicate that then great, right? 

It doesn’t necessarily nail the concept completely. But, it is another pond of fish that’s worth tossing a line in.  The caliber of broads on here is ok, but not the best.  Keep it in your tool box, but keep expectations low as well.


  • Free
  • Connects you to friends of friends for a warmer introduction
  • Simply to get up and running


  • Clunky app at times
  • Friends of friends concept falls a little flat
  • Not the highest caliber clientele

Match is one of the most well known premium dating services out there, neck and neck with eHarmony.  For these sites, you’re looking at between $20-$40 a month depending on the length of your commitment. 

(side note, one way to save money is to try to cancel your service and they’ll come back at you with discounts to keep you around)

I really like Match.  The interface is really solid and you can search through a huge pool of people with a lot of different filters.  To get a conversation started, you can like one of their pics, shoot a quick note, or send them a wink. 

They also send you a daily digest email with 15-20 suggestions.  That makes it really easy to automate the process, but not invest too much time poking around every last corner of the site.  Now, when I get the email I run through everyone in there, reach out to the ones I’m interested in and call it a day.  Takes about 5 minutes. 

It’s easy to find yourself spending way too much time on these sites, which I don’t advocate because there’s so many other productive things you can be doing with your time, so it comes with an opportunity cost.  Match has found some ways to make efficient and productive use of your time while using their service.

The quality is pretty solid too, across a wide age range.  I’m looking for ladies in the 27-34 range and it seems to have a lot of quality chicks around that age. 


  • Solid quantity and quality of candidates
  • Most efficient and effective platform and interface
  • Robust yet simple at the same time


  • Higher cost


eHarm kills it at marketing.  When I got divorced, it was the first site that popped into my head that I needed to hop on and explore.  Their advertisements depict hordes of happy couples that met on their site, living the perfect life of picnics, wine tastings, and couch cuddling. 

The problem is, there are NO girls I would want to curl up with for a chick flick on this site.  The caliber of candidates is sub par to say the least.  Now, their methodology is keen.  You fill out an exhausting questionnaire that then interprets the data to match you with your perfect companion.   

Maybe I just screwed that test up or I’m not generally that cool, cause the matches it sends me are the furthest thing from harmonious I can imagine


  • Complex algorithmic determination of your most optimal matches
  • Curates a daily list for you


  • Chicas no bueno
  • Expensive
  • Apps are a bore to use.  Need a laptop or PC to stay sane

The rest of the field

The online dating space a saturated market with dozens and dozens of more services and sites.  I could fill 10 blog posts with all of the information out there. 

OKCupid gets pretty good results from a few of my buddies.  Plenty of Fish as well, but it is known for being a bit of a skank show.

Beautiful takes judgmental first impressions to a new level.  When you “apply” you submit one picture of yourself which the rest of the “beautiful community” then votes on whether or not you get a pass.  Pretty ridiculous concept, but still there’s something intriguing about making the grade here.

There’s a ton of niche markets out there too.  Farmers only, Meet Mindful, J Date, Christians Mingle, and Black People Only.  There’s literally something for everyone.

Make your move

When it comes with what to say in the chat boxes, have some fun with it.  Girls don’t always like getting messages saying “hey, how’s it going” or “how was your weekend?”  They get dozens and dozens of generic messages like that every day more than likely.  Find some unique and funny ways to catch their attention. 

Play off of things you find in their profile so it shows that you’re paying attention to more than just their bikini selfies.  Look for common interests and strike up a conversation around them. 

Or send something completely random to get a chuckle.  “Quick, who’s your favorite ninja turtle” or “what should we tell our grandkids about how we met?  I’m not sure what the perception of online dating will be in 2045” are two funky openers I’ve used with decent success.  

Overall, just have fun with it, don’t be too stale, and look for ways to differentiate from the droves of other messages these girls are getting on a daily basis.

When you come across somebody you think you’ll connect with, establish some basic rapport in the chat, but then take it offline and meet up for a coffee or a cocktail.  Even get their number and give them a call.  The bottom line is don’t just keep texting back and forth for too long before you meet up.  The longer that’s drawn out, the quicker she’ll lose interest and move onto some other dude.

Wrapping it up

To recap, there are a lot of positives about digital dating.  It’s not a perfect solution, but it’s also far from the negative stigmas previously associated with meeting people online.  At the end of the day, it gives you a high volume of candidates to apply your filter to and is a more prequalified way of meeting chicks than approaching them at the bar.  So open up the app, boot up the laptop and start some digital mingling.