Back in 2001, Neil Strauss introduced a controversial book that detailed the inner workings of the “pickup subculture.” It told the story of fraternity-esque mansions where guys would go to learn the art of hooking up with women.
Negging, magic tricks, peacocking were just a few of the tactics employed to reduce a woman to a level to where she would be primed to pick up and take home. It served as a bible for thousands of guys who always had trouble winning over women.
The manifesto was an impetus that sparked an entire industry around picking up women. A simple youtube search for “how to pick up women” reveals a slew of different tutorials and “in the field” examples of successful “sets” and “closings.”
Entire businesses were built around it. Bootcamps exist in most every major city where you can fly in for a 3 or 4 day workshop for hands on education and experience.
Now, to some extent, I find value in this. It encouraged shy guys to get out there, be confident, and take their love life into their own hands. As an introvert, I can relate to guys that have a hard time getting out there and meeting girls.
But, what it lacks is a significant layer of authenticity. Tactics like pre-meditated one-liners, peacocking your wardrobe with a giant belt buckle, or slighting women to bring their confidence down a peg or two just isn’t something that is natural or genuine to who you are. At least I hope it’s not!
Women are wise to these tactics now too. What women want is a guy who is real. For them there’s nothing more attractive than a guy who is confident(but not cocky) with himself. It’s the subtle art of not giving a fuck about what anyone thinks of you, staying true to yourself, and doing it with a genuinely positive approach to life.
This type of authentic, swaggy, confidence should come from a place of completeness. People who come by this naturally are good just by themselves. They don’t need anything else to complete them. Some guys seek sex, relationships, fame, and money to fill a void that will make them feel complete. Girls see that a mile away. What they respect and go for is a guy who’s true to himself.
Here’s what that means as you’re out trying to meet new women. Rather than roll in with a canned pickup line, try instead just to be your natural self. Say what you feel. Listen genuinely. Do it with a smile. Don’t try to be someone that you’re not. If you’re confident in who you are, that will go the longest way in getting some solid attention from like-minded women
So, if you’re coming off of a breakup, looking to get back out there, resist the temptation to succumb to these pickup practices. Focus on getting right with yourself, rebuilding your confidence, and discovering what makes you a unique badass. Then your natural swagger will take over and it will be palpable when you walk in the room. The right girl for you will sense it before even talking to you.
Stay away from the typical rules of “the game” It’s a lose-lose proposition these days and there’s much better ways to engage with women.